Don't try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend...

Old habits die hard. I needed to feel it for real.

Raindrops falling...

I really hate it when you love a song, and it becomes associated with a really happy time, then the happy time ends and you're sad about it...and to add insult to injury the song you really loved just makes you feel sad when you listen to it.

The breakdown in Raindrops (Illogik remix) used to fill me with an overwhelming sense of euphoria and happiness...now it makes me feel like crying.

I have been on a very low ebb this month, the year has not got off to a great start because I've been mourning, over analysing and allowing myself to dwell on matters beyond my control. However, today I vow to make a fresh start, to shake off the bad mood. Nothing is going to change unless I do something about it, and that is what I am going to do. Tonight I am going to do some Spanish studying and get that show back on the road.

The trials of the last couple of months - matters of the heart and work-related, are nothing compared to past problems, I simply cannot allow them to get me down like this. Life is full of ups and downs, I'm just on a down at the moment, but things will go on the up soon and I've got to remember that.

Onwards and upwards.

 

The mean reds...

Feeling particularly gloomy today. Nobody on the team spoke to me on Monday or Tuesday, I think that has brought on this glum mood. They're more communicative today, but I'm not interested; it's too little too late. Add to that my proximity to blackguard, the omnipresent reminder of my stupidity and naivity...and well. Conditions are far from favourable.

Anyway. There is news on the Paxman, and I going to meet Jeremy again on Friday. The only concern I have is money, but they said that we would discuss that at a later juncture.

That aside, I have decided to postpone my next Spanish course and focus all my attention on escaping Jill. I will try and study at home one night a week to keep things ticking over.

I hope this mood lifts soon...

Ballet shoes and broken spirits...

I am so uninspired by work that I have taken an unhealthy interest in a white pigeon, that I have named Snowy. This despite my irrational fear of pigeons. Snowy sits on the Monument every day, mainly in the mornings, and has done for the past three months. I hadn't seen him/her today and was starting to worry, but s/he has just landed and I am relieved.

I hope my meeting with Jeremy goes well tomorrow. South Park is becoming more and more depressing as the hours tick by.

The attitudes, the lack of direction, the absense of order or clear tasks. My creativity is stifled, my spirit trampled...my skills and talents ignored.

I'm so much better than this.

Fortune Favours the Brave...

Today is the proper start of the new year, and time to kick the resolutions into action. Broadly speaking, there are three goals I aim to achieve this year:

1. Realise the dream (translation: get myself a fabulous job)
2. Live like Audrey Hepburn (in an understated, effortlessly glamourous and dignified way)
3. Be happy. (No explanation needed)

I plan to learn a lot, continuing with the Spanish and improving my DJing being the priorities...and I'd like to do some travelling...finances permitting, but above all I just want to make some excellent, smile-inducing memories.

I have made inroads with goal one, further details TBA following a lunch time phone call.

This evening I will be setting up my new iMac, which I will be using to help with the DJ-ing, as well as generally increasing the greatness of life. Living like Audrey is off to a good start, I'm working on posture, presence and style at the moment...and trying to ensure I present myself in a cool, calm and collected manner. The diary is starting to fill and plans are coming into fruition to ensure that I make good memories...

The year is off to a postive start...and I intend to tempt fate and luck into my life by acting lucky! Here's to a fun filled and successful 2011!